Hey there, this is Clay.
Today, I?m taking a break from the videos we?ve been posting answering your questions. Sometimes I just need to vent a few of my own ideas here 
Mika and I just finished up a really cool project yesterday. We still have to do some polishing up and technical stuff before we?re ready to share it with you, but let me just say that this will be a total ?game changer.?
(Hint: It involves a 3 month trip half-way around the world that completely changed our relationship. And we?re hoping to share the same transformation with you?the trip half-way around the world is optional?)
Anyway, I?m a little relieved because, to be quite honest with you, this project has consumed nearly all of my energy for the past few months.
And now I feel like I can finally devote some more time here
Anyway, I was talking to a friend the other day who is uncertain about the guy she?s seeing.
She wanted to know if this is the ?right? relationship for her.
I mean, maybe there?s someone else out there better for her.
Someone who says all the right things, always knows what she wants, and has that shirt-ripped-open-with-exposed-Fabio-chest physique.
How do you know if you?re in the right relationship?
It?s a tough question, and it?s definitely something that I used to struggle with myself back when I was with my ex.
I mean, part of me never really wanted to fully commit to a relationship because I wasn?t sure if she was right for me.
Now, I never cheated on her or anything like that, but I just wasn?t ?all the way there,? if you know what I mean. It?s like my energy was only half there.
That relationship didn?t work out for a lot of very fundamental reasons aside from my energy, but this is a common problem that I believe a lot of people have with their relationships.
Maybe you?re just ?hanging out? with your partner until someone better comes along, thinking that being with Mr. Good Enough is better than being with no one at all.
Maybe you?re clinging desperately to Mr. Oh Hell No because you?re afraid that no one else would ever love you.
Or maybe you?re actually with a really good guy, but you still just have that nagging question in the back of your mind: Is he really the right person for me?
But the thing is? just half-assing it in your relationship isn?t going to cut it.
That kind of attitude isn?t ever going to give you the kind of great relationship you really want.
Relationships live and die by the small moment-by-moment decisions you make on a daily basis.
What are the decisions you?re making on a daily basis?
Are they to only bring half of yourself to your relationship?
Are they to settle for something you don?t really want?
Are they to deny your own needs and desires for the sake of ?not rocking the boat??
These are all choices that deny your partner the chance to really see, know, and connect with the real and genuine you!
And how can you EVER have a great relationship if you aren?t really connecting and showing your true selves to one another?
So, then what are you to do?
Easy, commit 100% to your relationship!
Seal off the exits, lock the doors, and really give your relationship everything you?ve got.
Stop thinking about that coworker you?ve been crushing on.
Stop chatting with all your old boyfriends or girlfriends of Facebook.
And stop just zoning out in front of the TV from the moment you get home from work till the moment you go to bed.
Relationships grow and thrive on commitment and trust.
If your relationship is going to get any better, you need to get more committed, not less committed.
(Now, of course the exception here is when you?re in a situation with abusive behavior?that?s not cool, and you should leave immediately)
Remember, love is something you do consistently and with full commitment and freedom from any kind of attachment to outcome.
How can you get more committed?
I was shuffling around on the internet and I found this cool post on Simple Marriage about gratitude.
Write a gratitude list of 101 things you?re grateful for about your partner.
Why is this such an effective thing to do?
It starts to shift your focus from all the ?what if? thinking and fault-finding, and you can start to actually think about what?s right about your partner rather than what?s wrong with them.
After all, no one is perfect (probably not even Mr. Fabio-Chest?do you have any idea how much effort it takes to maintain a physique like that?).
But if you can start to focus more on the good things, you?ll find that you just start to notice more and more of them.
Suddenly, you won?t even want to chat with all those old flames on Facebook anymore.
So, in summary? if you?re just not sure if you?re in the right relationship, I?m guessing you?re probably not giving 100% to your relationship. You probably have one foot out the door, plotting your ?Plan B,? or otherwise getting ready to run screaming away from your relationship.
Instead, realize that relationships thrive on commitment. If you aren?t happy with your relationships and you want your relationship to get better, you need to commit more to your relationship, not less.
Practice changing the focus from what?s wrong to what?s right. Maybe try out the 101 thing list.
It?s only through full commitment that you?ll discover if a relationship will really work. When you bring all of yourself to your relationship, you?ll be able to see if your partner really had the capacity to love you fully and whether or not you two can have an enjoyable life together.
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